


A Little Help From My Friends

by teastaintrain



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Cold Showers, Come play, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Smut, If You Squint - Freeform, Ignore Infinity War, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation Interruptus, Not Canon Compliant, Smut, Trauma, Walking In On Someone, only kinda though, thats what i do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 03:11:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15676848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teastaintrain/pseuds/teastaintrain
Summary: Since becoming the Winter Soldier, Bucky hadn’t been allowed to experience pleasure for himself.  He was programmed to not need it and quite frankly at this point he wasn’t even sure if he even had the ability to release if he were to get hard.  Now that he’s broken from the programming in his brain he is scared to even try and it’s eating him alive.  He just needs someone to help, cause these cold showers are getting to be too much.Written as if after CW Tony was able to forgive Bucky (even though that isn’t mentioned) and there wasn’t an impending apocalypse because I am in denial.





	A Little Help From My Friends

  
When Bucky was able to truly be free of the Winter Soldier and begin to find some normalcy in his everyday life it only seemed right to move into Steve’s apartment when he offered, but it has led to more than one uncomfortable situation.  Back before it all, Steve was far too sick for Bucky to let his thoughts of the blond progress past fleeting what ifs, besides the fact that everything he thought was completely taboo and he was sure Steve would find it disgusting so he let it go.  

When Steve showed up at the Hydra base having considerable grown he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t curious as to what else had grown but it was war time and again he knew better than to fantasize too much about Steve when it was completely unattainable.  Now the war is over, Steve is safe and healthy, Bucky is Bucky again thanks to Shuri and while it’s an everyday struggle he is beginning to emotionally heal. 

In doing so, he starts to notice Steve again in the way he did all those years ago and without all of the obstacles of the past he’s worried about finishing what he starts to put it delicately.  More accurately he’s worried he won’t be able to cum, so he just doesn’t try because not knowing is better than feeling broken again. 

It’s early on a Saturday morning when Bucky wakes to the smell of bacon cooking and stumbles into the kitchen only to be met by a shirtless Steve with light grey sweatpants slung low on his waist. Bucky realizes he is staring when Steve asks Bucky what he wants for breakfast.  He quickly decides that he better skip breakfast and go for a run or he will have a problem that he cant fix. He puts on some sneakers and lets Steve know he will be back in about an hour before heading out. After about 15 minutes it begins to pour rain and Bucky has pretty much cleared his head so he decides to cut the run short and he will just do some extra sparing later to make up for it because he hates the cold rain sticking to his skin. 

When he gets back to the apartment Steve is sitting on the living room couch, cock in hand, watching what Bucky is sure is some pretty kinky shit on his phone based on the sounds. Bucky lets out a loud, “shit” that makes Steve look up and when their eyes meet the blond lets out a short but still distinct moan before grabbing a pillow and covering himself. 

“Buck I’m so sorry! I thought you weren’t going to be back for a while.” rushed Steve clearly embarrassed and frankly looking concerned. 

Bucky felt his face pale and knew what came next and began to fall into a panic, he ran down the hall to the bathroom if nothing else then to hide from Steve. He couldn’t let his friend know what was going on for more than one reason so he starts up the shower as cold as the tap will let it and strips down to his boxer briefs getting ready to get in but before he can step in he hears a knock. 

“Bucky?” questioned a clearly embarrassed Steve through the bathroom door, “yeah?” cracked Bucky’s voice. Of fucking course his voice cracks clearly giving away his emotion. Sure, he can hold his own in a fight against fucking iron man but get a little upset and he’s completely defenseless. He turns off the water only to hear Steve say, “Bucky, I think we need to talk or this will be weird.” 

Bucky knows full well that he should just tell Steve what is going on but he’s just so scared because this is something that he shouldn’t have to worry about but after Hydra and everything he went through this just seems like one more obstacle to get to a normal life and he doesn’t think he can climb past this one, and he can’t talk about it to Steve because then Steve will know how Bucky feels about him and God knows that won’t end well considering he is supposed to be his best friend and now he’s got some twisted crush on him and- He realizes he is spiraling when Steve yells through the door “Open the door or back up cause I’m coming in one way or another.” “W-wait” Bucky weakly replies from the floor, when did he end up on the floor? 

He slowly unlocks the door and backs up, knowing Steve will absolutely break down this door if he has to and that would be another burden set down by Bucky. Steve slowly opens the door, fully dressed at this point, eyes scanning the room until they land on Bucky sitting on the edge of the tub, head in hands, breathing heavy silent teats falling down his face. 

“Oh buck.” Steve practically whispers sounding broken at seeing his best friend feeling like this because of him. “I’m so sorry that I made you feel like this Bucky. You know I would never do anything that would hurt you on purpose. Do you want to talk about it? Because this is clearly more than embarrassment for catching your best friend jerking off.” Bucky looks up for the first time since Steve walked in and the look on Steve’s face tells Bucky that he can trust him with anything and he realizes he cant hold this in anymore.

“I’m scared” Bucky admitted quietly. “Of?” “When I was the Winter Soldier, Hydra quickly realized that my body reacted so much more to being touched then a regular man so that was one more thing they decided to fuck with. Basically made it so while in compliance I couldn’t get hard and when not on a mission I didn’t need the release anymore.” Bucky looked over to gauge Steve’s reaction but there was nothing there, his face blank, just listening to whatever Bucky was willing to say. “As I began to heal, lost more of him and gained more of myself back that is one thing that I don’t know if it will come back. It was so ingrained in me to never touch myself in that way that I don’t know if I can and at this point I’m scared and would rather not know then find out I can never” he makes a crude hand gesture clearly trying to avoid saying the actual word, “again.”

Steve thinks for a minute before he speaks, “Have you thought about maybe just watching some porn? It would at least let you know if that side of things is working.” Bucky clears his throat and wipes his hands along his underwear that is hugging his thighs deciding if he’s told Steve this much that he might as well keep going. “Steve, getting hard isn’t the problem, why do you think I ran in here to take a cold shower after seeing you out there. I end up hard at least once a day because of you. You are the walking embodiment of sex and we both know I’ve been in love with you since I was 14 and haven’t been very good at hiding it.” 

With a shocked look on his face Steve gets up to walk away. Fuck.  
Fuck! He knew this would happen! Bucky knew that Steve would be disgusted and he should have kept his mouth shut. Times are different now but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for Bucky to think about his best friend like this. He jumps up and starts to chase Steve into the living room until Steve turns back to Bucky. 

“Did you just say that you were in love with me?”

“Am… I am in love with you” If he is gonna say it, he might as well be honest, “Never stopped”  
Bucky could see the wheels in Steve’s head turning. “I’m gonna say something, Buck, but only if you promise you aren’t gonna freak out, and you aren’t gonna run off. You will sit here and talk it out with me” 

He’s nervous now but agrees anyway.

“I fell in love with you when we were young. It was a Friday afternoon, we were maybe 15 and you were sitting with me telling me all about what happened at school because I was too sick to go and you just sat with me even though I couldn’t do anything fun and I couldn’t even talk much you just sat and talked and I haven’t stopped loving you a day since. I don’t care what you can and can’t do. If you want to try, we can try, if you want to see a doctor, we will see the best doctors in the world. Whatever you want to do, I’m with you Buck, I’m with you to the end of the line.”

Bucky couldn’t help but smile as he called Steve a “cheeseball” and walk into his chest for a much needed hug that led in to a sweet, chaste kiss. 

“Why don’t we talk about this later, lets get some sleep now, you look exhausted” Steve said leading Bucky into his room, their room? These are some things they will have to talk about, but for now they are gonna sleep cuddled together, and Bucky is going to let his problems float away.

\--------- 

When he wakes up in Steve’s bed alone Bucky is not as worried as he thinks he ought to be, because last night when he told Steve everything that was wrong with him and that he was in love with Steve, he didn’t run away, he stayed and had a confession of his own that this whole time he was in love right back. There is still the matter of if his anatomy is going to work or not but he can push that off for a bit and just be happy for now. 

He gets up and goes out to the kitchen where Steve is stood making a few sandwiches, this time wearing his sweat pants at a reasonable height and with a shirt on. Bucky goes up behind him and wraps his arms around Steve’s stomach in a hug, placing a kiss on his shoulder. 

“Well, good morning sleepy head”  
“Hey” 

“I love you”  
“I love you too.” Both boys have butterflies in their stomach when they break apart.

Bucky set out some plates and two glasses of water and they sat down with their lunch in a comfortable silence. 

Steve breaks the silence, “You don’t have to decide now, but how do you want to move forward with your issue, do you want to try to handle it yourself, do you want me to help, or do you maybe want to wait until Monday and then we can talk to one of Tony’s doctors? No pressure, but I just want you to be happy and not be so stressed about it.”

Bucky thinks about it a bit before he replies. “Ideally I would figure this out on my own so when- if we are together I know what is going to happen and you don’t have to focus on me.” 

“What the hell are you going on about Buck? I love you, and believe me, my focus on you is not an issue. I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of you since we were teenagers and you know it. The only thing that could make us being together less than perfect would be you being uncomfortable.” 

By the time Steve is done talking Bucky feels like his head is floating. A resounding ‘how did I get so damn lucky’ floated through his brain before asking Steve if he would be willing to try with him. It wasn’t a surprise to Bucky that he said yes, what was a surprise was Steve pushing out from the table and walking to where Bucky was sitting putting out a hand and motioning with his head down the hall asking “So, your place or mine?” 

“Awfully presumptuous of you there soldier, maybe I had plans today.” Bucky was trying to be convincing, he really was, but seeing the sculpted adonis in front of him quite literally offering himself up was too good to even joke about giving up so he grabbed Steve’s offered hand with his own flesh one and followed him down the hall into Steve’s still unmade bed.

It was no surprise that Bucky was hard after just a minute of making out leaned up against Steve’s desk. Give him a break, he hasn’t cum in 70 or so years. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous about how this was gonna work out for him, but between Steve’s wandering hands and focused mouth he was willing to try and put his nerves aside and focus on the pleasure he was feeling. 

Steve swiftly lifted him up onto his desk when Bucky let out a gasp and a “Stop!” Steve froze immediately worried he had crossed a line when Bucky jumped down and turned to the sketch covered desk. “You’re gonna ruin all of your artwork!” Steve couldn’t help but laugh as he kissed into Bucky’s neck, “How about we leave those there and move over to the bed instead?” Well he didn’t need to be asked twice. The two made their way over to the bed and fell into a mess of laughter and limbs. 

“Way too many layers” Bucky mumbled out between kisses. Both men lost their shirts and Steve found Bucky’s scared skin with his mouth, kissing and kitten licking all around. “Is this okay?” “Yeah, I just don’t feel all that much there. Nerve damage and all that” 

“Well how about this?” Steve says, eyes locked with Bucky as he kisses down his chest to his abdomen, stopping at the edge of his waistband leaving wet kisses on the left and then right sides near his hips. “Yes, Yeah, uh- hun that is fine- perfect even.” Bucky very well might loose his mind if they keep going this slow but its still in the back of his mind that this could end poorly for him. He might not be able to cum, it could hurt, the other part of him could slip back in. Any of these things could happen, but for the first time since he has been himself again, he isn’t scared, because Steve is here with him now and he will stay no matter what happens.

The basketball shorts Bucky slept in doing nothing to hold back his erection, Steve can feel him pressed up against his chest and if he presses into it a bit, who can blame him? 

“Can I-” Steve starts but Bucky stops him saying “anything you want, the answer is yes. I want everything you are willing to give to me” 

“Well, in that case…” Steve slides down Bucky until he can rub his face on Bucky’s dick through the shorts for just a moment before he slides them off leaving him in just his light gray boxer briefs. Drops of pre-cum already spotting them, Steve can’t help but reach out and taste. A choked moan leaves Bucky’s lips before he slides his fingers into Steve’s blonde hair.  
“Please” Bucky let out a near whisper. “What is it? What do you want me to do?” Steve was a little shit. He knew exactly what Bucky wanted, what he needed more than anything, but if he was gonna ask, “Make me cum for you.”

That was all it took for Steve to swiftly slide Bucky’s briefs down and line his hard cock up with Steve’s mouth. He started with gentle, wide tongued licks before taking it fully into his mouth. Bucky couldn’t help but let out a moan. He hadn’t felt this much pleasure in literally years and honestly he wasn’t sure if it had ever been this good. But as the pleasure grew, so did the anxiety. What would happen next? As if he could read minds, Steve pulled off and crawled up to meet Bucky’s eyes again, keeping a hand stoking Bucky’s still leaking cock. 

“It’s gonna be okay Buck, whatever happens I’m here- and I love you- and you are gonna get through this.” Steve punctuated with kisses. He shifted them onto their sides so he could get a handful of Bucky’s ass while he pumped and rocked his still clothed cock into Bucky’s upper thigh almost unconsciously. It was an awkward angle that pulled uncomfortably at his wrist but he knew he wouldn’t feel sore for more than a minute or two and he really didn’t care if it meant Bucky felt good. 

Bucky let out a rhythmic moan, choking like he couldn’t get a full breath. “There you go baby, feel that, focus on the pleasure” Steve ran his thumb over Bucky’s slit at the same moment he reached a bit further between his cheeks, no where near close enough to penetrate, but just enough to feel a pull when he squeezed. In this new position it didn’t take long for Bucky to feel his orgasm coming from deep in his stomach, with only enough warning to shout “Steve!” Bucky finally came. 

It was a full body experience. His muscles shook, his voice cracked, and his cum painted both of their stomachs with a few drops getting up as far as the bottom of Bucky’s chin. Immediately turning to jello, Bucky could barely register Steve licking the cum off of his chin while rutting against his thigh, still wearing his sweatpants from earlier that now had a large stain from Steve’s precum. Even though his euphoric fog, Bucky couldn’t help but ask, “Will you cum on me?” To which Steve quickly slipped out of his pants and with jerking hips came all over Bucky’s chest and stomach being careful to avoid his face. (They hadn’t talked about boundaries yet and he certainly wasn’t going to cross one this early) 

“I guess it wasn’t a problem” Bucky said a little embarrassed wiping at his cum and spit soaked chin. “Guess not.” Steve replied before sweetly kissing Bucky.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't proof read and my grammar sucks, so I'm sorry.
> 
> Also, I wouldn't necessarily say this was inspired by another fic, but I wrote half of this a few months ago and a fic I just read inspired me to finish it so here is that fic, I loved it. https://archiveofourown.org/works/2320319/chapters/5108588
> 
> please leave kudos if you liked it, I'm a fragile bean and haven't written anything since i was a tween.


End file.
